help

i have no f***ing clue what i'm doing.

For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed writing. Growing up, it was known that I had a pretty creative mind. I had a very hyperactive imagination, always daydreaming and coming up with a million different fantasies in my head. I always had my nose stuck in a book, my library forever growing. I would stay up till three or four in the morning reading a book I just couldn't put down.

Once I got to high school, I joined the school newspaper and was first a writer, then an editor, and come senior year, I was Editor-In-Chief. I thought I had the rest of my life set. I'd go off to college to study journalism, become a professional writer, move to New York City and become a journalist at Broadway.com interviewing my favorite Broadway stars and seeing a new show every night. I had very specific aspirations for myself.

However, I ended up not getting accepted into my dream school, University of Texas, Austin and settled for a private university only 20 miles from home. I started college, unsure what I was getting myself into, but kept an open mind. I did keep writing though. I wrote poems and short stories and even had a mini diary blog on Tumblr. But all too soon, college became too much and somehow, I stopped writing all together.

I found solace in music and radio, but my first love will always be writing. I think a big reason why I had stopped writing was because I had lost my inspiration. I felt forced to continue writing - which almost always, lead to writer's block. I started this blog as part of my senior project back at the beginning of 2017, and then picked it up again as a post-grad project to keep myself motivated to write. Up until the last post, I hadn't written anything in almost a year.

Now that I've found the motivation to write again, I really have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I think a lot of the reasons why I stopped writing on this blog is because I kept thinking to myself, no one actually fucking reads this. No one gives a shit about what I have to say or think. And you know what? I hate that! So much. Who cares what people think or say? The main reason why I started writing in the first place was because I loved it. I loved the feeling of having something in my head and being able to put it into words - into some beautiful mess of a story.

So no, this isn't an actual cry for help. I just really have no idea what I want to do with my writing. I have a lot of thoughts - so many that it becomes overwhelming. I know that I want to keep writing. My closest friends have pushed to keep writing. There are ideas that are ready to be put into words, I just need to figure out how to get there.

I know I'm not alone in the struggles of being a writer, but until then, I guess I'll just word vomit and get my writing back to where it was before.

later days,

reanna xx

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